carole cluer

Art, hope and self acceptance

Tag: mature student

October 9, 2012

A Blank Piece Of Paper

Yesterday I started my first ‘proper’ drawing since my degree show.

My summer had been filled with making photograms for a couple of exhibitions and so I hadn’t really drawn for a couple of months. Okay I had been to life drawing and doodled a little bit but not really drawn. My drawings can take a long time, somewhere along the process  I always forget to record how long but about fifty plus hours, that’s a long time to spend on something that you might be disappointed with.

I have been deciding on the subject and pose for a few weeks now, looking at photos, choosing and discarding but now that I have started my MA I felt I had to commit to actually doing something.

Yesterday was the day of reckoning, I got up early and taped my paper to the board … then I took it down, it didn’t look right.  I lined my board … and took it down, it was creased. By midday I was ready to go, no, I needed to recheck my plans for another hour before I placed my pencil on the paper and made my first mark.

Why do I find a blank piece of paper so scary?

Its because I know that my work will never be as perfect as it is the moment before I actually start. In my imagination I draw with a talent that I can never replicate in reality.

I think a lot of us are afraid of failure and it can sometimes feel safer to find excuses to not try rather than risk discovering that we just aren’t good enough, but you know if we do that we will never discover that we are good enough.

It took me a long time to try at what I really wanted to do with my life, to believe I was worth the effort of trying, I am not sure yet if I have succeeded.

But you know, just like with my drawing, I can always try again.

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October 3, 2012

New Exhibition, New Journey

Well I know I am never going to get an award for the most updated blog, hats off to those who manage to fit in regular updates in their busy lives!

The summer has flown by, filled with family, but now with my son back at uni and my daughter beginning a new life with her first job in Cornwall I need to focus on my own work.

My summer hasn’t been completely devoid of art however and that is my first piece of news, last Thursday air arts launched their 2012/13 season with an exhibition in The Royal Derby Hospital and I am lucky enough to be part of it.

I am showing seven of my solar photograms, the theme is light relief and so fits perfectly with this part of my practice that explores how we use objects to comfort and reassure us during difficult times and is obviously completely dependent on sunlight for its creation. Interestingly each artist was given an object from Derby Hospital’s archives that linked with their work as part of the Hidden Histories project.

This exhibition is especially important for me because ultimately it is where i want my work to be seen, by the public, in their everyday life to hopefully connect with them during times of uncertainty.

The exhibition has been beautifully curated by Antoinette Burchill with a wide variety of work by other very talented artists and will be on display in the hospital until March, if you are in the area go and have a look, you will find my work on level 1 near  maternity.

You can read more about the work of air art at http://airarts.net/  and the Hidden Histories project http://hiddenhistories.tumblr.com/

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My other news is that I am about to start my Masters in Fine Art, I am excited, scared, nervous and disbelieving, who would have thought that when I went to that small informal outreach lesson comfortingly called ‘Drawing for the Terrified’  that I could have got a degree never mind been accepted on a masters course.  I think if someone had told me then that that was a possibility I would have been too overwhelmed to continue but I have been incredibly lucky to have had really supportive tutors, each encouraging me on to the next step.

I think that is the wonderful thing about life, you never know what it holds for you, there was a time when I worried whether I would see my children grow up, I worked in an office to fit around family life and wondered if I could draw.

I am doing what I dreamed of when I was fifteen, it s a little late but perhaps sweeter for it, and shines brighter because it is a consequence of the darkest time of my life.

I know now that no one has any guarantees in life but also that if you look there are always new and wonderful things to see and experience, although sometimes these may be small and fleeting they are precious and glorious.

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June 3, 2012

Degree Show Open!

Last Friday evening, our degree show opened for its private view, after three years of hard work, soul searching and challenges it was over. Looking back at the fifteen year old who was persuaded to give up on her dreams of art college it seems at once like yesterday and a life time ago. I can’t quite believe I have finally done it. There is a saying that trying one new thing a day keeps you young, well it feels like I have been doing that for the last five years, ever since I stepped into my first class, aptly named ‘Drawing for the Terrified’ determined to see ‘if I could draw’ and petrified that I would find that I couldn’t. Thanks to some great tutors I have been encouraged  and nudged on to each new step right up to now when hopefully I will soon graduate.

One of the best things about being on the course has been the other students, I am not sure what they think about having older colleagues but they have always been supportive and encouraging and they have opened up my world and made me feel just like another student. At a time when my views could have narrowed and hardened they have made me see things through younger eyes, they are funny, clever and inspiring.

Anyway, Friday night was great, I talked to lots of interesting people,saw great art, drank a little too much and got an award!  The award for lifelong learning, a complete surprise and I am thrilled because if nothing else (and there is loads more) the course has taught it is never too late to start and you should always keep trying – and learning.

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I will write a post about my plates and book over the next couple of days

Our exhibition is part of Sheffield Hallam’s Creative Sparks 2012 and runs between 6-23  June, 10-4, Mon to Sat.

I am exhibiting at the S1 Artspace Gallery, 120 Trafalar Street, Sheffield,S1 4JT.

If you are nearby please pop in.

http://www.shu.ac.uk/creativespark/visit.html


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May 15, 2012

Degree Show Nerves

Writing a blog is still pretty new to me, I tend to write about things that have already happened, that I have had time to process. For the last few weeks the build up to my degree show has been hotting up and I have found it difficult to find the words about what I am going to show. Most of my work is pretty personal so it feels like its me not just my art being judged. Anyway, since in a weeks time I am going to be assessed on it and on the 1st of June loads of people (hopefully!) are going to come and see I thought I had better start easing myself into the fact by talking and showing it to you. I have three pieces that I am going to show – two are definite and one a maybe at the moment, as they are ready I will post them

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February 19, 2012

How old is too old?

Last week I sat through a four day conference designed to help us plan our future. I try to be a pretty positive person but as the week progressed I began to despair. Out of the nine or so speakers eight of them repeatedly spoke of our USP – our youth, that is what we had to offer our future employers, its what gave us time to travel, work in Tesco or go on the dole (yes that was a career choice) whilst we built up our art career.

That’s great but I am a mature student, I wasn’t hard to spot as I was sitting on the front row with three other mature students – when you get to my age you have to sit on the front row due to failing sight and hearing.

How old am I? Forty eight (okay I admit it I’m nearly forty nine), now I realise at this point some of you have made a sharp intake of breath but there may be others who have managed to stagger from their recliner chair that think I could have a few good years left.

On line opportunities seem full of young artist groups and competitions for new artists under thirty five. Why should new artist mean young artist? Surely its self limiting  there may be less of us but don’t we deserve a go?

I have to say now that the staff and students at my uni have never been other than supportive. My peers who are in the main in their very early twenties have always treated me as an equal, encouraged and helped me.

I think I have a lot to offer, hopefully I can show you when I have figured out how to upload my images with a watermark. I know I have my own limitations, some of which are age related, but they are mine for me to overcome, I don’t need others putting limitations on me.

Now I am off to organize my Turner Prize submission – you have to be under fifty to be nominated.

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